NEVER give up on LOVE.

LOVE.  What a word.  What a loaded word.  So many emotions tied to it, negative and positive.  Recently I did something very wrong.  I made a demand on someone I loved, and still love, to act in the way I wanted them to.  I pushed them, insulted them, scorned them and demanded something from them.  I gave this person an ultimatum and I was SO wrong.  I cannot believe what I have done.  At this point the relationship could be destroyed forever, unable to be reconciled.  And it's my own fault.  However, I have come to understand what I have done.  I issued what is called an ultimatum.  I issued an absolute.  It was use of psychological force to get this person to do what I wanted or I was going to punish them by removing my love and friendship.  Needless to say it didn't work and actually backfired, doing the very thing I didn't want, which was stop communication all together and completely.

I did what I tend to do often when I don't know where else to turn...I went on the internet and searched my heart away.  I searched high and low for whatever I was looking for.  I read many articles on what to do in my situation.  Finally, I stumbled upon the word "ultimatum".  It registered with me.  That is exactly what I was dealing with, but at that moment I didn't see anything wrong with what I had done.  At the bottom of this article on WikiHow which was entitled: "How to give an Ultimatum", there was a small paragraph under "Tips", that was not even part of the main article, but never have I stumbled on a greater truth than this, when it comes to love.

This is what it said:
"Mother Teresa once said: "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." Sometimes when you conjure up a desperate need to give an ultimatum, the person you really need to look at is yourself. In exploring your own triggers (or buttons) that are being pushed, you may find that the real issue is that you need to learn how to cope with someone who isn't "being" or "doing" what you'd like them to be or do. And you may need to realize that probably you can't force them in any direction and that it is you who needs to change perspective and approach it very differently. Loving more challenging people can bring much hurt and sacrifice but in turn, you can become a much better person by continuing to push through your own hurt until you find how to love again, all without adding conditions and your neediness to the equation."
http://www.wikihow.com/Give-an-Ultimatum

It took a couple days for that to sink in...although immediately after reading it I knew it was true, but I wasn't ready to accept it or act on it.  Then I got even further needed confirmation of this truth today in a book entitled:  "Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman"  by Anne Ortlund.

Right on page 32 was exactly what I needed to read:
"You must love right through that painful area...there are those who are willing to know and be known, to the point where they go crashing right on through that threshold of pain, to where they really know and are known. "

Wow...talk about being hit right between the eyes!  I have improved so much in so many areas, and just when I think I am doing so well and have come so far something like this knocks me right off my high horse and brings me right back down to reality.  I am FAR from perfect, VERY FAR.  I am just beginning to understand things that are as complex as LOVE.  There are many things that we can and should give up on and walk in another direction.  Love is not one of these things.  

I should make a note that I am talking about true love that respects boundaries, and is not in any way abusive.  Overstepping boundaries, lack of respect, being taken advantage of and/or abuse is not love at all, despite what someone tells you.  Look at their actions.  Actions speak volumes above any words spoken.

God bless you on your walk and journey.  God loves you more than anyone, and ALWAYS will.  Seek him first, above all else.

Much LOVE for ALL,
Rosanne