God Undercover

I once had a dream about Jesus. I was searching for Him frantically and I was yelling out, "Jesus, where are you?" I was running down a long hallway, and then I saw a black puff of smoke and said, "Is that you, Jesus?" In the same dream I was in a courtroom with a bunch of other people and we were in big trouble. We were on trial for something. Jesus was in the middle of us all, undercover. He was in disguise, but we all knew it was Him. He looked like a dirty car mechanic with oil streaked across His face and a scruffy beard. He even had a cut on the bridge of His nose. His mechanic uniform nametag read "Schwaggmann". This was so funny. Schwaggmann? Really Jesus? This was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I was laughing inside so much that I could barely contain myself, even though I should have been really worried about the trial. I wasn't worried because Jesus was there with us. I had my eyes on Him. I never really knew the full meaning of that dream at the time. As I began to get the idea for this blog, this dream came back to me again.


Deuteronomy 31:6

"Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”


I really believe that God loves us in different ways at different times of our lives. What that means to me is that God never leaves us and His love is constant, but that it can take different forms in our lives. Many times He loves us through other people. As I remember the special people who have come along and showed me a particularly sweet type of kindness, I can't help but think God had something to do with it. He is the creator of every person and I believe everything good in us comes from God. When people show noble and kind character that comes from God, and it is admirable. I have been blessed beyond belief with some outrageous acts of kindness in my life. It wasn't so much just what these people did. It was the tenderness and benevolent flavor of it that reminded me of the love of God. Do you know the kind I am talking about? The nostalgic feeling you get when looking back at the love you've been shown and undeserved favor? The kind that brings tears to your eyes and wonder to your soul? I absolutely love that feeling! When we love others we love God. What God intends is that He is able to love others through us. He is like an undercover agent for good in this fallen world. He is doing what He can to break into this world and bring about goodness.


John 13:34

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another."


Lately I have felt distant from God. I catch little glimpses of Him here and there. I have really grown to savor those moments. Through this whole past six months I have gone through a torrent of emotion. I have had some severe depression and mood swings. I have been angry at God, hated Him at times, and tried my best to hang on for dear life. I even vowed at one point I would never go back to church again. I was there the following Sunday thinking how funny it was that in spite of myself I couldn't stay away. I love God too much. As much as I hated Him for feeling abandoned, I still loved Him deeply and missed Him. I still do. I think as you grow in your Christian walk that our relationship with God changes and we will not always feel as close to Him as we did in the beginning. My roommate said He is like Aslan. He comes and He goes as He pleases. He can't be put in a box, but we know He is good.

He is good and He is by definition the freest being in the universe. He is God and by definition that means that He an enigma to us. We think we know, but we have no idea. Even after everything we know about God in the Bible there is so much we still do not know. The Bible just scratches the surface. The biggest thing about God is that even though He changes not and He is constant, He is still a living Being with a higher intelligence and level of autonomy that we could never begin to understand. He does what He pleases. He alone has that freedom. If He wants to do things in an undercover way He is free to do that. He is a creative being so He does things in different ways at different times.


1 Corinthians 13:12

"For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known."


What has gotten me through this time the most is trying to see God in my life when I couldn't feel Him. I tried to look for the little clues that He was working in my life. They were subtle clues, but they were there. A little clue here, a little clue there. There were these things that when they added up I couldn't deny that it had to be God. It was too unlikely to be chance. It was the strength to face another day when I didn't think I could. It was someone to spend time with me when I desperately didn't want to be alone. It was the example after example of life rafts being thrown out to me in the midst of a raging sea. He never took it away, but He helped me through it step by step. If ever I have felt like the person in the footprints poem, it was these past six months.


Footprints In The Sand


One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.


Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.



When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.


He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.



He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.


This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:


"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."



The LORD replied:


"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

Author: Carolyn Joyce Carty